by We’ve all been on a commute, stuck in traffic due to some accident up ahead or cut off by a lousy driver. Sometimes you get mad and honk, sometimes you just suck it up and fume. But I’m sure we’ve all wished at some point we could just push a button in the dash and your vehicle pops up on stilts and drives over everyone else, or wings fold out, allowing you to fly away. Or if you’re in a particular mood, some kind of laser emerges and … well, let’s not go there.
As kids, we had plenty of examples of cars with special hidden features that could deal with villain chases and escape all sorts of danger (and the occasional traffic jam). I want to go over the capabilities of these vehicles and see which ones are the best to have. Were their features equally useful, or were some of them not worth their sticker price? For this list, I’m going by vehicles that look like normal cars and not ones with visible weaponry or devices like the Ecto-Mobile or the Party Wagon. Some vehicles here may not look like our everyday cars, but they’re not weirder looking than some concepts I’ve seen from the big auto manufacturers.
Gadgetmobile – Inspector Gadget
I always used to think Inspector Gadget’s car, in its original form, looked like he drove around a mail truck. The Gadget-Mobile starts as a slightly dumpy minivan, but when Gadget activates it with a “Go-Go-Gadgetmobile!”(and moves a gearshift), it converts into a speedy pursuit car that appears to crush all its occupants during its bouncy transformation. In pursuit mode, the Gadgetmobile has a ton of new features like an extendable capture claw in the front bumper, wheels that lift the car high enough to drive over other vehicles, ejector seats, parachutes, and glue rockets.
M.U.L.E.S. – Bionic Six
To be honest, I’m not sure if the RV from Bionic Six has any special name in the show, but that’s the name of the toy, so I’m sticking with it. The futuristic RV looks a lot less goofy than Rodimus Prime’s space Winnebago, but isn’t nearly as cool, either. It is equipped with a supercomputer inside (what isn’t?) and has two glowing panels on the undercarriage that allow it to fly. There aren’t even any wings that pop out. Kinda dull, but if it can fit a family of six, then that’s still better than most RVs. Surprisingly, the toy was cooler than the animated counterpart since the front split in half to launch out the Quad Runner vehicle.
Wheels and Roadie – Pole Position
The two stunt cars in Pole Position are some of the most advanced vehicles on this list, both of them equipped with removable computer modules, each one programmed with their own personality. The modules can control the vehicle completely, and even have animated faces for when Roadie argues with his driver, Dan, over who gets to control the car. Both vehicles have 2 different special modes: Hovercraft, which allows them to drive over the ground and slow descents from high altitude, and Hydrofoil mode, which allows for over-water travel (which seems redundant with a hovercraft mode). Other features are deployable rafts and hood-mounted grappling hooks. The two vehicles also have individual abilities, with Roadie’s parachutes and a front shield that can be used as a battering ram, and Wheels having a launcher in the front capable of firing tracers or a stream of oil, in addition to a saw blade and jaws of life that deploy from the front bumper. The dumbest of these accessories is Roadie’s flexible vacuum with a connected paper collator.
Thunderhawk – M.A.S.K.
For information about Thunderhawk, I went to friend Wyatt Bloom, M.A.S.K. guru and host of the MASKast, a podcast that covers every episode of the series on his Agents of M.A.S.K. website. He says, “Thunderhawk was a unique take on the sports car and sports jet! While its seemingly mainstay abilities, including screaming into the air, wingtip lasers, and missile launcher were normally part of the cartoon and toy play, equally there were a few add-on capabilities that surprised the M.A.S.K. viewer. One of those abilities was that it was a cargo jet. That’s right! Clamps fitted under each door would rotate and clutch cargo boxes, permitting it to carry cargo, as deemed necessary. Another defensive feature that popped out of the missile or bomb bay were magnetic thrusters. These clever devices would be “flung” from Thunderhawk and attach itself to an oppressor’s wings, disorienting and disrupting the flight of the oncoming aircraft. Finally, sometimes Matt needed a hands-on approach or would need to use his Spectrum Hang-glider to traverse onto the ground, into the enemy’s aircraft, or whatever Matt sporadically deemed necessary, but what about Thunderhawk? Thankfully, it came with an auto-pilot feature enabling the Camaro-jet to circle or sustain flight while Matt hand-delivered hand-to-hand combat.”
Cliffjumper – Transformers
I know all the Autobots are capable of turning into robots, but I’m specifically looking at Cliffjumper because he’s the first Autobot in the cartoon that shows an extra ability in vehicle mode, deploying his Glass Gun from his rear bumper. While other Autobots have shown extra capabilities in vehicle mode, like Brawn, who has a drill that flips out of his hood and a claw in his undercarriage that lets him pick up Megatron’s cannon, Cliffjumper displays the most abilities in his alternate mode. He uses a depth gauge that rises out of his hood to help guide Brawn during his tunneling, and in a double whammy, Cliffjumper’s gun appears again, popping out of the hood this time, all while he crossed an ocean on deployable hydrofoils (in the same scene, Tracks flew on wings that existed in the character’s toy!).
Brett Matthews – Turbo Teen
So, I may not have counted Cliffjumper’s robot mode, but I can’t ignore Turbo Teen’s transformation. After getting shot by some kind of laser while driving his car, he was bonded with the vehicle and changes form when either getting really hot or cold. Though the change usually happened when doused with water, it could be triggered by any strenuous exercise. Turbo isn’t just a name either, as he has the same boosting ability as Knight Rider but with flames shooting out of his exhaust. I’d prefer not to think about how that one works. Even harder to describe, he’s still able to move around like a human in his vehicle form, becoming a breakdancing sports car in the episode Dark Rider and the Wolves of Doom. I don’t think even Cliffjumper has those kinds of moves.
Mach Five – Speed Racer
The original animated augmented automobile, the Mach Five might be a race car and not at home on city streets or freeways, but it doesn’t look any crazier than any of the other vehicles on the list. Driven by the titular Speed Racer, the Mach Five was created by his father Pops, and is outfitted with so many gadgets it puts the Gadgetmobile to shame. Each one is activated by a button on the steering wheel and includes jacks that allow the car to jump over other vehicles, tank treads for traction, saw blades from the front bumper, shields over the open canopy which also allow it to travel underwater, and a drone that can be launched from the hood. Even better, the car often has its own trunk monkey since Racer’s younger brother and his pet chimp hide away there, unconcerned with rear-end accidents as the car dangerously speeds around the racetrack.
Which car would you pick for your morning commute?
