Is There a Doctor in the House? – 80s Cartoons’ Infamous Physicians

When I was writing my Dr Archville vs. Dr Braxis article, I noticed something interesting. While bad guys like having a myriad of titles in their names (like General), there’s a disproportionately high number of doctors on the villain side of cartoons. If a scientist or engineer is leading or working for the antagonists, you know that guy’s going to call himself Doctor. But did they really earn the title, or are they taking liberties with their villainous CV?

Inspector Gadget – Dr. Claw

Sometimes a villain only has a cool name going for him. Dr. Claw, the criminal mastermind of M.A.D., spends every episode in a chair, stroking his pet and promising he’ll get Inspector Gadget next time. Next time! While he may be a genius schemer, the only other thing we could call him is a stunt driver and mediocre pilot. As he commands his M.A.D. agents and rues Inspector Gadget (instead of his niece, who deserves all the ruing), the only thing we see is one arm wearing a metal glove and a spiked bracelet pressing buttons on an old computer and beating his desk. As much as he loves M.A.D. Cat, his equally evil feline, I think the only way he’s a doctor is if he is a veterinarian, but I still doubt that with how much he torments the cat when things go bad.

C.O.P.S. – Dr. Badvibes

Right between the minimal cybernetics of Dr. Scarab’s bionic eye and Doc Terror’s mechanical right half, Dr Badvibes sits polishing the glass dome over his brain. Big Boss’s resident scientist, Dr Badvibes is the one who creates many of the mob’s weapons. He’s somewhat dressed appropriately, wearing a form-fitting yellow lab coat and gloves, until you get to his head and see his mangy hair, bat-shaped glasses, and of course, his exposed brain. You might think that’s enough to make him a doctor, but if you believe he removed his own skull and fit it with a fishtank, you’d be as crazy as he is. This genius may have invented his own robotic sidekick, Buzzbomb, but I have trouble accepting that he even built and installed Big Boss’s bionic hand. I wouldn’t want someone working on my nervous system when he starts having a lightning storm go off in his cranium.

Bionic Six – Dr. Scarab

You would think having a bionic eye with telescopic view and a built-in HUD would make a head mirror redundant, but then how would anyone know you’re a doctor if you don’t wear one? Dr. Wilmer Sharp, going by Dr. Scarab, leads a group of cybernetic criminals that he’s upgraded with various bionic systems, including on himself. The upgrades give his crew increased strength and speed, but unfortunately not their intelligence. I may not believe Dr Badvibes had removed his skullcap, but I could see this portly physician replacing his eye with a camera. I mean, he’s even got a stethoscope! That counts for something, right?

G.I. Joe – Dr. Mindbender

When you picture a doctor, what do you see? Or do you picture a big twirly mustache, a monocle, and a cape with suspenders and no shirt underneath it? You do if you’re thinking of Dr. Mindbender, Cobra’s resident genetic engineer. Using the DNA of history’s biggest monsters, the good bad doctor created Serpentor to take over the organization from Cobra Commander. Revealed in GI Joe the Movie, Golobulus implanted the idea of creating Serpentor into Dr Mindbender’s brain, but it’s still his medical knowledge that brought the monarch to life.
Instead of just working on machines (which he does do occasionally, like with the creation of the B.A.T.s), Dr Mindbender does have plenty of medical knowledge. He’s the only verified practitioner of medicine on this list, having been an orthodontist before driving himself crazy with a pain-relieving device of his own design.

Centurions – Doc Terror

I cannot think of anything that would require medical experience than surgically grafting a robot onto half of your body. What else do I have to say? Originally replacing his henchman Hacker’s entire left side to create a cyborg, Doc Terror wanted to show the superiority of machines over humanity. When Hacker regretted going through with it, he lashed out, and Doc Terror was forced to replicate the procedure on himself. Considering they can separate almost completely from their cyborg halves, it’s obvious these cybernetics weren’t just installed over their original limbs. Someone had to amputate them, even if they were using a machine to do the surgery.
Of course, Doc Terror was able to create a ton of robots and machines, including one that could almost instantaneously turn animals into cyborgs. Did the machine do Hacker’s and Doc Terror’s surgery? Probably, it’s not like he could do it to himself, but it would be easy to assume he programmed the machine by doing Hacker’s surgery. The only thing he forgot to program into it was amputating the remaining half of his shaggy bowlcut.

For more cartoon awesomeness, the third book in my Old School Evil trilogy, Our Darkest Hour, is available to pre-order on Kindle for $ 0.99 and will be released on October 29. Pick it and the first two books, Old School Evil and Old School Evil: The Rejects on Amazon. Welcome Home, a prequel story, can be downloaded for free from my website.